The Pain You Can’t Hear and the Silent Scars You Can’t See

It’s one of the most alarming, yet often invisible, crises facing young people today: self-harm. Quiet, concealed, and deeply misunderstood, self-injury has become a growing mental health concern among adolescents and young adults. And while it can be tempting to focus only on the physical signs, self-harm is rarely about the body—it’s about what’s happening in the mind.

At its core, self-harm is often a way to cope with emotional pain, overwhelming stress, or internal chaos. It is not an attempt to seek attention or manipulate others, as many outdated narratives still suggest. For some young people, it’s about control. In a world where so much feels unstable—school pressure, family conflict, social expectations, trauma, identity struggles—self-harm can feel like the one thing they can manage on their own terms. The pain is predictable. The outcome is clear. It becomes a form of emotional regulation when everything else feels out of reach.

Linsey Lunny, CEO of Hidden Strength weighs in to say: “It’s always so devastating when I hear of a young person harming themselves. To see how many of them carry pain they don’t feel safe expressing. Self-harm surpasses some superficial grasp at attention; it’s often about control, release, or just trying to feel something when everything else feels numb. It becomes a way to cope with emotions they don’t have the tools to process.” 

This desire for control can be especially strong for young people who feel voiceless or powerless in their everyday lives. For those experiencing anxiety, depression, bullying, or abuse, the act of self-harming may seem like a way to externalize inner pain—something they can feel, something they can change. It’s a temporary sense of relief in a landscape that otherwise feels impossible to navigate.

What makes self-harm even more dangerous is how easy it can be to hide. Many young people who self-injure go to great lengths to keep it secret. They may harm areas of the body typically covered by clothing—upper thighs, stomach, or upper arms. They might wear long sleeves, even in hot weather. Excuses like “I just fell” or “the cat scratched me” become routine. And because the behavior is so often hidden behind closed doors, parents, teachers, and even close friends may not realize it’s happening.

But there are signs to look for, says Lunny, “Those around them might not see it right away, but there are signs that a young one is harming themselves. It can look like wearing long sleeves even in the heat, sudden withdrawal from friends, or unexplained injuries. We need to stop assuming ‘they’re just being dramatic’ and start asking, ‘Are you okay?’ Because sometimes, asking that one question can save a life.”

Physical indicators might include unexplained cuts, bruises, burns, or scars—especially if they seem patterned or repeated. Blood-stained clothing, tissues, or sharp objects in unusual places can also be clues. However, many of the most telling signs aren’t physical at all. They’re emotional and behavioral.

A young person who is self-harming may withdraw from others, seem unusually secretive, or display sudden changes in mood or behavior. They might become more irritable, anxious, or detached. Sleep patterns and eating habits may shift. They may avoid situations where their bodies could be seen—like swimming, PE classes, or sleepovers. In some cases, self-harm is accompanied by expressions of worthlessness, hopelessness, or deep guilt.

It’s important to note that self-harm is not limited to cutting. It can include burning, scratching, hitting oneself, pulling out hair, or intentionally preventing wounds from healing. All of these behaviors can stem from the same emotional place: a desire to escape, to release, or to regain a sense of control.

Unfortunately, stigma around self-injury keeps many young people silent. They fear judgment, shame, or punishment. They worry that if they speak up, they’ll be labelled as “crazy” or treated differently. This silence only deepens their isolation—and allows the behavior to continue unchecked.

That’s why awareness matters.

Recognizing the signs of self-harm is the first step toward supporting young people who may be struggling. But just as important is how adults and peers respond. Creating a space of non-judgment, empathy, and understanding is crucial. Rather than reacting with panic, punishment, or dismissal, the focus should be on listening. Ask open-ended questions. Offer reassurance. Let them know they’re not alone, and that help is available.

Because self-harm is often a symptom, not the root issue, addressing the underlying emotional distress is key. That could mean therapy, support groups, family interventions, or simply having more consistent, caring conversations. Healing takes time, and relapse is possible—but with the right support, recovery is possible.

Young people need to know they don’t have to hurt themselves to be heard. Their pain is real, their emotions are valid, and there are healthier ways to regain control.

Self-harm thrives in silence. It’s time we started listening.