Lessons from a Chronic Overachiever: How Recognizing and Reducing Stress Can Save Your Career – and Your Life

American work culture increasingly glorifies working long hours and climbing the corporate ladder often at the expense of any semblance of work-life balance and sometimes even at the expense of employees’ health. For Eileen Filliben, a former attorney, consultant, and senior executive, this mindset nearly cost her everything. Diagnosed with breast cancer twice by the age of 42 and forced to pause her career due to debilitating chronic pain, she reflects on the role unchecked stress played in her health decline. “Stress isn’t just an invisible force—it manifests physically, emotionally, and mentally,” she explains. Through her journey of recovery, she discovered that recognizing and reducing stress isn’t just about improving your quality of life—it’s about survival. This article dives into her personal story, the dangers of unchecked stress, and actionable strategies to create a healthier, more balanced life.

The High Cost of Overachievement

Eileen’s journey as a self-proclaimed overachiever began early in life with high achievement in high school, a full-ride scholarship to a prestigious university, and top academic awards in graduate school. She continued her pattern of being highly driven with her career as a successful attorney, HR consultant and senior executive. Fueled by ambition and a relentless work ethic, she climbed the professional ladder while trying to “balance” the demands of being a working mother. However, the relentless pressure to excel came at a significant cost.“I lived in a constant state of fight, flight or freeze without even realizing it,” she recalls. “I thought the sleepless nights and endless to-do lists were just part of success.” This chronic stress began to take a toll, leading to physical symptoms she ignored for years. Finally, a series of health crises—recurrence of breast cancer, debilitating migraines and chronic pain—forced her to confront the impact of her lifestyle.

Her story is a cautionary tale for overachievers everywhere. While stress can be a motivator in small doses, prolonged exposure has serious consequences. Research shows that chronic stress contributes to heart disease, weakened immune systems, and a host of mental health challenges. For Eileen, the realization came too late to prevent her health decline but just in time to rebuild her life with a new perspective.

Recognizing the Warning Signs

One of the key lessons Eileen shares is the importance of recognizing stress before it spirals out of control. For many overachievers, stress becomes so normalized that its warning signs go unnoticed. “We think being exhausted, irritable, or overwhelmed is just part of being busy,” she explains. “But these are often the body’s way of telling us something is wrong. When we ignore the body’s whispers, bigger and bigger symptoms develop until we finally have no other choice but to slow down and listen.”

Stress manifests in various ways, from physical symptoms like headaches, pain, fatigue and gastrointestinal issues to emotional signs like anxiety, insomnia, irritability and even depression. Eileen recalls how she ignored her body’s signals for years, pushing through migraines and chronic back pain while prioritizing her career. “I thought I was being tough, but I was actually doing long-term damage to myself,” she says.

Recognizing stress requires mindfulness and self-awareness—two qualities that overachievers often overlook in their pursuit of success. Eileen encourages individuals to regularly check in with themselves, asking questions like:

• Am I constantly tired or running on adrenaline or stimulants like coffee?
• Do I feel overwhelmed, anxious, or emotionally drained?
• Am I skipping doctors appointments to avoid missing work?
• Is my health or well-being suffering in the name of getting ahead?
• Do my family members including partners or kids tell me I’m working too much?

These questions can serve as a wake-up call, prompting action before stress leads to burnout or serious health issues.

Reducing Stress to Save Your Career—and Your Life

Once Eileen began addressing her stress, she realized that true success comes from balance, not burnout. She shares several strategies that helped her reclaim her health and redefine her relationship with work.

The first step, she says, is learning to set boundaries. For Eileen, this meant re-evaluating her priorities and saying “no” to commitments that didn’t align with her values. “You don’t have to be everything to everyone,” she explains. “Learning to say no is one of the most empowering things you can do.”

Learning to say “no” also helps overachievers to start looking internally for validation instead of externally. Many high achievers have been taught to place value on what other people think of them. “Chasing your sense of self worth from other people’s opinions leads to an exhausting life of people pleasing that’s never enough,” says Eileen.That never-ending cycle puts the people pleaser in the untenable position of trying to control the uncontrollable which causes unrelenting stress. Eileen advises that “Learning to let go of other people’s judgment is vitally important to reducing stress and gaining the self confidence to lead the life that you really want.”

Another critical strategy is creating space for self-care. Eileen emphasizes that self-care isn’t indulgent—it’s essential. Overachievers often try to carve out time to go to the gym, take walks or connect with friends. When push comes to shove, though, these types of appointments are the very first things to fall off the calendar. “When we schedule time to take care of ourselves, we need to keep it, no matter what else pops up that day,” Eileen says. “If we don’t prioritize taking care of ourselves, no one else will.”

An often overlooked form of self care is preventative well care. It’s important to stay on track with well visits with our doctors and recommended screenings like mammograms, cervical cancer screenings, colonoscopies, prostate cancer screenings and blood work. Knowing our family histories is central to knowing when to start these screenings. “My family has a significant history of breast cancer,” Eileen explained. “My older sister had breast cancer at the age of 35 so, with my doctor’s recommendation, I started getting mammograms at the age of 26. My first breast cancer was discovered when I was only 31. Thanks to this proactive screening, the cancer was caught very early.”

Eileen also recommends mindfulness as a way for overachievers to work towards balance. For her, it was mindfulness and cutting edge techniques to rewire neural pathways in the brain that led to her healing from chronic pain and migraines. Her journey included practices like meditation, visualization, journaling and counseling with a therapist specifically trained in Pain Reprocessing Therapy. These practices helped her calm her nervous system and retrain her brain’s response to stimuli so that it didn’t misinterpret safe signals as pain or anxiety. Even for those who don’t experience pain, mindfulness techniques can be a powerful way to reconnect with what’s most important in life. “Getting out of a perpetual state of fight, flight or freeze has given me my life back,” says Eileen.

She also advocates for seeking help when needed. Overachievers are often wired to be fiercely independent. According to Eileen, “That stubborn independence can have serious consequences on our health.” Whether it’s therapy, coaching, or leaning on a support system, asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. “We often think we have to handle everything alone, but that mindset only isolates us further,” she explains.

Finally, Eileen encourages individuals to focus on the present moment. Stress often comes from worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, and it’s exacerbated by trying to manage  things that are completely out of our control. By practicing mindfulness and staying grounded in the present, it’s possible to reduce anxiety and regain a sense of equanimity.

Conclusion

Eileen Filliben’s story is a powerful reminder that unchecked stress can have devastating consequences. As a chronic overachiever, she learned the hard way that success isn’t worth sacrificing your health and well-being. “Stress nearly cost me everything,” she says. “But it also taught me what truly matters.”

Through her journey, she has become an advocate for recognizing and reducing stress before it leads to burnout or health crises. Her message is clear: success and self-care are not mutually exclusive. By setting boundaries, looking inward for validation, prioritizing self-care, and staying present, it’s possible to build a fulfilling career—and life—without sacrificing your health.

For overachievers everywhere, Eileen’s story offers a path forward. It’s not about doing less; it’s about doing what matters most with clarity, intention, and balance. As she puts it, “Your life is in your hands. It’s up to you to make the most of it.”